David Archuleta Is The New Josie Grossie

David Archuleta, the 19-year-old Monchhichi fetus who almost won American Idol, tells Singapore's XIN MSN that he's never ever been kissed on the mouth. Two things. #1: Maybe he's never had the chance to put his mouth on another because his creepy father is always stuck on him like crabs on a Hilton. #2: Maybe he subscribes to Vivian Ward's rule that you can do everything but kiss on the mouth. You know, maybe he's a major pig slut who has done everything from scrambling internal organs with a dildo to shit that involves shaved gerbils slathered in generic Crisco (don't visualize those things or the Monchhichi Protective Services might knock on your door). Who knows, but I do know that Michael Vartan needs to get on the case!
via Wow Report

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